things to do when you want to kill yourself

For this post, I wanted to do something a little different. Instead of focusing on me, let’s focus on you. Or, rather, what you can do when you venture too far into the dark recesses of your mind. Or, you know, just a normal mood drop. So here, I present to you:

A Comprehensive List of Things to Do When You Want to Kill Yourself:

• Color. Outside the lines. Get crazy. Don’t let society tell you what to do.

• Find a furry animal. Determine if they are tame. If they are, hug them. If they are not, avoid them. Wild animals don’t give hugs. Only bites.

• Make nachos. You might still be on a low, but being on a low with nachos is better than being on a low with salad.

• Vacuum your house. Scream while it is running. Breathe between screams. Don’t pass out.

• Grab ice cubes by the fistful. Go to the bathroom. Throw them as hard as you can at the shower wall. Show them who’s boss. Embrace your inner Elsa. Sing if you deem necessary. If the ice doesn’t like your voice, fuck them, you hold their icy lives in your hands.

• Go outside. Run. Run like you’re being chased by your demons. Beat them.

• Sit outside. Breathe. Touch everything around you until you feel real again. Then keep touching everything around you. Breathe.

• Take a shower. Run the water as hot as you can stand. Cry. When you’re done crying, run the water as cold as you can. Freeze yourself back to reality.

• Grab every blanket in your house. Lay them on the floor in a pile. Plop yourself down and grab a corner. Roll until you are cocooned. Think of caterpillars.

• Find an old book. Flip through the pages. Inhale. Give yourself two full breaths before you repeat the process. Avoid going nose blind to the best smell in the known universe. Not counting nachos.

• Make a list of movies and books and events coming up in the future. Keep the list. It’s okay to hold on to arbitrary reasons to keep going.

• Deep clean your room. Declutter. Decontaminate. It’s easier to be empty on the inside when your area smells fresh. It’s harder to be sad when all you smell is rotting food.

• Call a friend, a family member, an individual you can trust on some level. Meet up with them. Do not be alone. It’s not worth it.

• Wash your hair as slow as you can. Breathe. Put all the razors in the drawer where you won’t look at them. Don’t look at yourself in the mirror. Save that for when you feel alive again.

• Write a free verse poem. Let it all out, and keep it hidden.

• Make a list of chores you need to get done. Work on it slow, and cross it off as you complete it.

• Plan a party.

• If being connected is overwhelming, unconnect. If being unconnected is lonely, connect.

• Tell someone you are having suicidal thoughts. Talk through it. Breathe.

• Breathe.

• Keep breathing.

• If you still are having thoughts, call this number: 1-800-273-8255

• If you can’t talk, text this number: 741741

This list is not all-inclusive. What works for me may not work for you. At the end of the day, no one knows you better than YOU! Do what feels right, and keep breathing.

What do you do when you feel low?